HUMOURITA/DR.DOLLAR

JESU

if you can imagine a whole lineage of DR.creflo dollar,,,,,,,,,,lez say a million descendants…………………………………………then PAP,right there you have a million dollars!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!(joking)
SO BWANA DR.CREFLO $$$$$$$$$$$$ DOLLAR GIVES A TALK @ safari park,and its good to get some points.
1.#.never put money mbele ya MUNGU.GOD COMES FIRST
2.#.bila GOD you can’t prosper
3.#.money has a mission.know why GOD prospered/prospers you
4.#.prosperity comes from GOD who gives you the power to make wealth
5.#.you have to understand the purpose of the money GOD gives you or has given you
6.#.when you invest money in ministry/ies na mtu aka-okoka coz of the ministry then your money provides another sanctuary for JESUS to come and dwell.EMEN
7.#.WAkenya are hungry for GOD

8.#.YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD AND PLEASE KNOW THAT EVEN WHEN YOU MISS THE MARK
PLS READ GENESIS 39:::::
it’s not so much what you know but who you know.GOD that is.
9.#.on the outside it may look like you are not prospering yet but if the LORD be with you,HE’ll call prosperity and success
just SAY YOU ARE PROSPEROUS IN JESUS’ NAME,,,,,and its based on the presence of GOD in your life.
10.#.GLORY BE TO GOD

IMANI
be filled with everything GOD has promised to you.
11.#.THE LORD MADE ALL THAT JOSEPH DID TO BE SUCCESSFUL
12.#.GOD created things to seek you and not vice-versa.SEEK YE FIRST THE UFALME WA MUNGU AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU
13.#.joseph found grace and favour in HIS sight both GOD’S and potiphar’s
its an encounter with un-merited favour/GOD’S GRACE.

                                                                       MAISHA MAGIC
14.#.you are blessed to be a blessing.you become a thing to prevent mis-fortune in the life of other people
15.#.SAY YOU HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF UN-DESERVED FAVOUR IN JESUS’ NAME
16.#.be determined to do what is right coz its right then do it right
17.#.even if you fall,in the hands of GRACE you’ll get back up again.it’s GOD’S favour that causes it to happen and not you
18.#.don’t do your best and let GOD do the rest,,,,,,,,,,,,LET GOD HAVE ALL CHARGE OVER YOU.GOD WANTS YOU/US TO DEPEND ON HIM.his help,HIS GRACE,his annointing,his abundance and all that
19.#.success is not what you have but who you have

                                                                  OGOPA DEE JAY
20.#.the presence of GOD in your life is what makes you successful/a success
21.#.AM A SUCCESSFUL PERSON IN THE LORD’S NAME AND THE LORD IS WITH ME
22.#.all our struggling,willpower,discipline,self-effort can’t do what the presence of GOD can do in an instant.
23.TRUST IN THE LORD

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humourmob/a meri Criminal

ONLY In America THE SONG OF LAW ino THE LAW.THE LAW.LAW.LAW
ONCE UPON a time::::::::::::::::::::pic222
police/COPS/corpse ???????????? booked a m-halifu.in US its booking for criminals,arrests are used by docs to describe heart conditions/failing hearts etccc CAR-DIAC ARRESTS.so they booked a hunky model criminal. looks like jude LAW.the long hand of the LAW caught up with OTI(eno).AKA hottie.and the cops posted ‘im kwa wall,kwa post ki F.B.I,,,,,,(facebook info.that is)………… and NOT NOT the federoll on a roll/ral bureau of investi…………..???????????????gate ion/gation.once upon a time things were posted kwa post office,,,,,,,,,but now,,,,,,,,,,peeps,things,stuff,pics,peeks all things are posted on F.B.I.PAGES.(Facebook info that is)so when you see a christy ronaldo m-halifu on a police dept fbi page,,,(facebook info that isss)you let a dating agency go thru his profile and post him to search-crews,,,,,,,,, those looking for some-one to…………………..date,spend the rest of the lives together,marry,companion etccccc……SOOOO..do they up-load him to formula one/danica patrick for speed dating in a police chase car,escape club ing to jail to find yourself a keeper???????????coz hez already a kept person in jail????????????or do you keep poultry in jail?????????????????????????
aka JAIL-BIRD?????????so if he becomes the ex once upon a time………..aka the X-MEN days of future fasttttttt???????so E’ll he be your ex-convict???????????????????????
his lawyers booked him in a modelling agency to re-model his behaviour(smoke,snorting stuff… pigs,cocaine.injecting……..inhaling…..etc…)
he’s more than the 130 times re-modelled KEN-DOLL but still not a looker
lez finish singing in SING a pore. CIN(g)CIN(g)natti

humourmob/ROJO

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SWALA ISIYO NYETI ,,,,,,nauliza eti MARcos ROJO anatengeneza MCHUZI rojo rojo???????????????????????????

soooooo anaenda training na tizi uwanjani au..uuu utalii?????????????????????

sooooooooooooo ataonyesha ushamiri wake kwa world stage au kwa royco cooking auditionsssssssss??????????????????????????????????????????????????
sssooo mchuzi huo waitwa ROJO MILLER?????/MEAL ER-R-R-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
foot-ball food for a football guy????????????????????????????????????????
Rojo hindu-stanipicvvv

humourmob/ otieno/paul beer

 

ANKA10

OTIENO AKO WAPI NOWADAYS?????????………………
amefungwa.
na shule je?????shule yao imefungwa.
na ngombe wake??????????
si amefungwa,,,uwanjani!
ne wewe je ????????
si mi ni me fungika na job pia…………
aaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii– kwani miroslav klose amekuwa huku?????????????????????????????
yaani kila kitu kime-fungwa………………………
si you wish some-one to klose him/lock him in the kloset/closet???????????????????????????
(si jamaa ana ku-watch closely and then he C/Klose(s)the deal????????????????????????)
bila kusahau c/klosed-shoez za kucheza ball.open shoes wachia??????????????? opening-games au open-er ya soda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!afungue!

ETI prezidente  aitwa PAUL BEER/BIYA????????????????????????
halafu bi*2/bibiye ??????????????????????

aitwa mar celina ka-pombe???????????
au cha mtaa beer???????????????????? ni cha(?)wa mtaa??????????????
cha -m/n-taa(l) beer??????????????????
sa ingine damu ya ukoo iko na methano(l)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ni damuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
ni damu sio utaniiiiiiiiiiiiii…………………………
so do people really need a blood transplant??????????????????????????
what a bloody query!!!!!!!!!JANOM

humourmob/newzanchor

emmage

EARLY MAN ZOO:::::::::WAcha tupumue kidogo kisha tuendelee na taarifa zaidi/ZAIDI.

ZA IDI???????????za iddi????????????????????????????iddi achieng?????????????idi amin???????????????idi  na menzel????????????????????????????IDD-ul??feet
‘rrrrrrrr??????????i.d(one da/(i)rection)?.????????
si n’mechanganyikiwa???????????????????????????????????

emmaimage

#2 . haya bi.MARY KGB (KG ni kilo)na B NI bi
anasema mwelekezi wake amesema afunganye virago vyake na aende zake na pia yeye she sez……..ata do hivyo-hivyo.mara that(6/8)
swala ni???????????kwani anakujanga na mzigo yake yote kwa studio
she lugs all the luggage??????????daily
si azipeleke LUG-ARI?????????
So sasa anakuja-nga na loader na turn-boy kazini????????????au anakuja na trailer???????????????????????????????????????????????????
mi na wonder???????????????????????????????
aki…..OH MY LOAD!
akifika morning………………..ni ku download hizo mzigo…………………..iki fika jioni………………………………..ni ku up-load hizo mizigo

AKA THE LOAD/LOADER/LOADRESS OF THE RINGSJANOM

HUMOURMOB/query silly

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TEACHER:::::::::::hey yooooooooo kid………..what is a landlocked country??????????????????????????????
SILLY KIDDOOOOO::::::::::ni nchi imefungwa na miroslav klose
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

#2.miroslav klose anatumia-nga tooth paste gani???????????????
jibu silly::::::::KLOSE-UP!

#3.eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee si you look familiar oooooooooooooooooooooooyou look familiar
aki you really look familiar unaitwa nani???????????????????????????
SILLY JIBU::::::::naitwa MAZDA FAMILIA  (R)

humourmob/tafakari

let’s say David ‘the return’ Rudisha kapata mtoto na huku unataka ku give/buy a zawadi kwa the baby????????????????????????????????
so unam-buy-ia baby-walker????????????????
ama unam-buy-ia running shoes??????????????????????????????????????????????????????or sports shoes za mbio???????????????
YATAFAKARI HAYO.(ni u-swale mate sucker.hapo ndipo u-swale unani-reach)

HUMOURMOB/wema

YOU HEAR something like oooooooooooooooo DIAMOND under pressure to marry DIE HAMMOND SIKO SAWA SONG MAN HI-Y-ALL WEMA HAUOZI

YEAH! RIGHT ETI MINERALI AKO UNDER PRESSURE TO MARRY WEMA/EMMA??.?????????.eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?????????????????his on and off girl-friend

TWOFACE
WEMA HAUOZI AND DIAMONDS ARE A GAL’S BEST FRIEND
SEPETUKA
WEMA SEPETU.DIAMOND IS A GAL’S BEST FRIEND.TRY WALKING IN MY SHOEZ

(karibu udhanie ni kenya power tunaongelelea?????????au sio???)juu ya u-on and u-off wake huoooooooooooooooooooooooooo????????
may-be dia mond (back) ako shock but he sez/insists wema a- change behaviour eti.
si i wish he’d beat jose kinyonga/chameleon to the song badilisha???????????????????????????????????????
so unauliza???????
like he’s gone down under????????????????????????did he?

AU amekaliwa chapati????????????????????????style ya chapo???????????

umenikalia chapati???????????????????mara chizi???????say cheese?????????????????

MA TU TA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE JEWELLER GUY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
like you don’t understand………………….DIAMOND BUCK EMMA HAUOZI
like he gone to ausi(o) australia?????????????????? the land down under????????????????
no!
is he under a pressure cooker?.you wonder????????or if he’s cooking rice??????????????? under pressure???????????????
or if his GOOSE is cooked?????????????????????????? ki gussolini?????????? the fans na fellow musicians are pressuring him to tie the knot?
si kufunga tuachie wa jerumani ???????kwa this year tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu???????????au c.e.o.?????????au sio????????????????
ooooooooooooooooooo eti uta OA lini……….ati
ata oa lini??????????atahama lini????????????????????atapata jiko lini????????????????????????
why use a jiko when you can quickly replace/deflate the pressure(cooker)?
ku oa wachia guillermo och OA.(let dia bolic/diamond be)
COZ methali inasema nga……………………………………YEAH METHALI

au wahenga walisemanga…………………………………………………….YEAH THE OLD PEEPS
WEMA HAUOZI!SAMBAMBA ONAONA TV EKE HINDIWEMA HAUOZI YET AGAIN

JABER

WEMA HAUOZI

humourmob/SILLYSILLY

 
THIS KID AULIZWA query ya  CRE..eti THE NAME OF MALAIKA ALI ye LETEA MARIA GOOD NEWS………… ya the BIRTH OF CHRIST
.COZ OF THE MPIRA MADNESS RUNNING CONCURRENTLY-ki world-cup……… 
THE KID ANAJIBU NI:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ANGEL DI MARIA!!!!!????HA!
 
 
COMPLICATED ENGLISH BY A BRITISH COMMENTATOR
ENGLAND WON
ITALY TOO
WHAT HE REALLY SAYS::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ENGLAND ONE,ITALY TWO.
KU CHANGA NYIKIWA
 
 
eti very vera zidisha.sidika.anaeka abuja weave kwa kichwa?????????????????????????????
alafu wa nigeria wataenda wapi???????????????????????????????????USHAGO?????????
kesho watanyoa buju banton na wa make a buju-rasta weave.rastas be-ware! 
this weaver-birds……………………………………………………………………………………. si warudi mti- ni or is it mti(ha/HER )ni??????
sio WIVU-WEAVE HUU.WE WANT BACK OUR GALS…….NO (NYWELE)
 
 
 
methali niwachie

1.ngoja ngoja wachia waiters,waitresses na dating show peoples
2.mchagua jembe ni ramadhan ka jembe
3.mpanda ngazi ni kung fu panda
4.aisifuye mvua ni wakulima wa rift valeY wa mahindi ngano kumbe stories zina pandwa??????????,na waliotoka sahara desert aka jua cali
ans

5.leo ni leo m say kesho anaitwa ms wakesho
6.kikulacho si ki nguoni mwako kikulacho ni cannibal . na ni cristine mango,,,,,,, akila maembe anajikula. akinywa mango juice ni vampire.aya aende aishi mwembe tayari ajikule to ????????????????? a pulp.

rafiki ye ni juicer

 
 

humourmob:??????????

mainbg3.jpgDID you hear that anchor:::::::::::::::::::::::eti efforts to get a comment from the county govt yielded no fruit????????????????????????????????????????????si ni kweli??????????
you want yields??????????????????????and fruits………………..????????????????????????????????
tembelea orchard……na green grocer(s).
HII PICHA YA NATURE AT ITS BEST INA MEAN TU MAMAKE JUMA NATURE ANAITWA MOTHER NATURE