humourmob/anakonda

swala JINGA

DID YOU KNOW?????????????

eti Akon    konda jamaa kona                                                                         akienda slim-possible aanze ku-punguza weight…………….ku ji reduce hivi………………

si tutasema…………………

AN AKON-DA??????

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

anaconda

thuol

attack  nyoka

anaconda sana nowadays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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humourmob/ni ads

so kuna hii ad ya mchuzi mix
ONGA…HONGA…….HONGA…….ONGA

istlady ogweno roiko
TWAPENDA KU HONG A MPAKA SASA TUNAPIKA NA HONGA ????????

tumkaribishe bribe jikoni!
OOOOOOOOOOO eti onga stew honga stew..onga stew

…..kwa nini wana honga watu?????????
na iyo honga mchuzi mix????????alaafuuuuuuuuu
ya kushangaza wanamalizia ad-vert eti……………
hongaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HONGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/BRIBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
bribe kaingia jikoni in a jar
(watu wa eacc wachunguze ile mchuzi mix saaaaaaaaaaaaaaana)

haya

wololo onaona ona datural lipwa walala ukweli maneno kard ass yawn scam ribery madeni KWAL onga stewongera kra

humouritA/WORD

What JESUS was to peter james and john is what the HOLY SPIRIT IS to you today
There is a spirit of intelligence in MEN.emen
THE HOLY SPIRIT will bring out the creativity aspect in you
You must meditate on the word of GOD
Kuna gift in you that comes from the HOLY SPIRIT
NO.1 tool for creativity is the word of GOD
GOD will take you places you never dreamt of
YOU got to act like GOD loves you no matter how you feel
Don’t live in bitterness
Bitterness is fear based
Don’t stay bitter when you know how much GOD loves you
SAY I AM TOP PRIORITY
GOD LOVES ME
HE VALUES ME
I AM THE APPLE OF HIS EYE

humourmob/yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

machanganyiko ya watoi wa 8 wana-do ma tests na ma silly query??????????????????????????????????????????

Query:::::::::WHO SAys kenya is on the list ,danger list of ebola outbreak???????????????????

jibu::::::::::::::::::::::yeah.WHO SAYS kenya is kwa list ya hatari ya kuibuka kwa maradhi ya ebola

swali:::::::::::::::::::WHO sez Nigeria is free from ebola after 42 days

jibu::::::::::::::::::::::yeah!!!!!!!WHO SEZ Nigeria is on the free from ebola after 42 days

WHO IS WHO????????????????????SWALA NANI BART DR GUESS CLOTHING CARTOON SICK EBOLA GONJWA TWO WHO

who are you????????

who si ni

shirika la health ulimwenguni

comic gal

ANOTHER KENYAN ANA SPREAD KILA KUCHAO HATA ZAIDI YA EBOLA NI BW.raila

rILA EEEEEEEEEEEEEE riler aaaaaaaaalaughter

balls

unasikia habari  kama, eti sayz eti raila ako motoni

mach moto

(kwa double r  tv/raia runi)

nika maka n’kasema amemaliza vituko duniani kaelekea hell fire kufanya mambo????????

awamu ya pili ya antics????????????????

kichekeshow

mm mmmmmmmmm humourmob/1 billion

CHUMA

WATU WANA SWEAT sides za  MA turkana na ma north zaa kenya ooooooooooooooooooooo eti wanatafuta oil ooooooooooo eti oil kapatikana ooooooooooooooooooo ni mafuta ni oil ni oil kila saa………….!

na mjamaa mmoja pia mkenya kaumbwa tu kama wewe na miye

VEE-MAN shah,au ni vee baba shah??????????????

CHEKI UKOO WAO HAPA………………………………………………………

1 B ONLY GAL GAL O MITTALSONMITTALMUHINDI

haku sweat na ma tullow oil  na ma shallow oil na ma  wells ,oil rigs, na ma sorrow mingiiiiiiiiiiiii……….. akitafuta mafuta!!!!!!!!!!!

ali enda kama kitale ku-ji vinjari  hivi kwa matembezi  hivi na akaona shamba murwa ya mahindi ,corn plantation…to the americanas………………………..

sasa mjaluo akiona shamba ya mahindi ameona suppertime na fish food!!!!!!!!!!

finisher samaki wa kupaka fishytoon food fish

na by product ya maize plantation au plainly ugali

na m westie/a.k.a. m-luhya  akiona maize farm ameona tha white stuff/white powder isi-yo cocaine au hero-ine

bali ni WHO-NGA/UNGA esp.unga ugali na chick feed besides dat.au KUKU

maize emmas oduma veeman shah..waLAKINI KINA VEE-MAN NA VEE-BOY SHAH……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..wakiona a corn farm???????????????????????????? PAP

iyo ikawa light-ning ika strike

hiz light-bulb moment,instant ikawa new ideas kakuwa born

kaindi

akaona tu rivers of oil ziki-flow…………………………………………….turning dreams and grains into cash and tasty body oils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mauta

of coz mnajua hiyo maize na oil na ELI(eli sio prophet hapa eli ni mafuta hapaa)

ELIanto

(kesho ataangusha kibao vodka style ya eliantoneosoul)neo drinks

1 B ONLY

BOOK

MOJA MBILI TATU TEASER WEWEEEEEEE MATANO KAZUNGU

EMMA

so lady   KISERIAN chebet,,,,,,,au janooooooooooooo???????????

( twazisikianga differently  hizi ma- jinaz……………………………………………………..
kafanya interview one usiku……………………..news kiserian lala
kwa raia rooney/raia runi/runinga/citizain tee veetv sunga

habari
na FEP guy
fep guy aka jon ki-dhaka:::::::::::::::::to touch a mirrion/ni BIRRION/ana mean billion. is no joke. ETI KUGUSA BIRRIONI SIO JOKES.yeah right

ata kugusa biriani sio jokes

nilikuwa najiuliza what is it some people do right????????? THE FEP JAMAA…………………………..
do write???????????????????
(ni hizi humourmob ndio na do write)
so the FEP guy asema after 4 yrs he found out what ma billionaires do and what ha-wa-do
MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ilimchukua muda yote ya sec.school yote ???????????????????????????????
4 years zote???????????
yet he only need have looked na ku-cheki a tool shah THA TOOL SHAH

atool rodi
ilichukua siku ngapi toka a tool shah na bizna yake kwenda ki- titanic(UNDER) kwa ile saga ya lango LA magharibi, PLACE????????????,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hadi ukaonako a tool sir aki get-ako cheque ya 1 billion/IMEANDIKWOOOOOOO 1 BILLION ONLY ???????????????????
(west gate)?????????????????????????? BIMA???????????
HAIKUWA 4 YRS(4yrs my foot!)!
IT WAS A MATTER OF DAYS
CHEQUE THIZ OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!TOONZ

MENTIR

LEss than 1 moon(mwezi moja)

MANENO

KETHI

WILLY

STD GROUP

A TOOL SHAH

super MUDA SIO MUDA D.J NAKUMATT AU a tool-shah akaangusha nakumatt ingine???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

style ya loving tone……………………………………………………………………………mattayocheque him out

hiyo ya TRM iko hapa tu near me ndio upendeleo wake ooooooooooooooooo ku feature hapa

a tool eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

a tool aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

THA TOOLS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

NA THE TOOLS SHAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the only mkenya awezaye ku feed the military single handedly

when its their turn to EAT

HUMOURMOB/PEPO PUNDA…KIM K

HAYA BASI NI MISEDUCATION ON PEPO-PUNDAfurahi-day

MA PADRE WAME WEKA MAKA-TAA YA KU KATAA WA MAMA KU-GET CHANJO WALE MA 14-49.yote tisa 50 ni ya jamhuri @ 50

SI VACCINES TUACHIE MA RESEARCHERS WA E-BOLA!

so ikawa eti the fathers,padres,all cadres,wakuu waoo na all the rest…………hawataki story za vaccines.zina leta in-fertility.so does drugs.yet wengine wao hunywa.na inawahusu sana pili pili hii wasiooila they are fathers right?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????///

aya chanjo ni ya wamama right??????????????????????????????????????????????????

inawawashia nini yet  hao walikataa ata kujaza ulimwengu……………………………………………

sasa msee anajitokeza anataka kuwa help kuto jaza ulimwengu kisha wameinukia huyo mseeeee1

where is the NJOKA MAN?????????????AME-MEZWA NA JOKA????????????????????????????????????????????

ako wapi na maendeleo ya wanaume na wanaume wako busy wanatetea haki za wa mama left,right na KATI???????????

mwanaume ni cardi knowl(es)MJUE.eeeeeeeeeeeNJUE

EEEEEEEEEEEEETI PEPO PUNDA ETI TETANUS WAPI?????????????????????

pepo punda ni upepo unaowachiliwwa tu.na punda tu.kama Bio-gas hivi tu.haina mambo

WANA SIASA DON KEY MOON PUNDA PEPOIKO WAPI PEPO???????????????????????????????????????????????

iko wapi pepo on the punda????????????????????????????????????????????

ma pepo wako kuzimu au pepo-ni road.!

wataka DEMONS….tration??????????????????

kwa ma padre hao………………………………………………………………….

wa mama waachwe.hakuna upepo na hakuna shida any na punda any kuna society ya ku deal na punda

ma punda waachwe. na issues zao

pepo ya ki-punda iachwe.wapewe tu sona moja

hiyo vaccine iekwe museum watoi wasome nayo history one day

CHEMISTRY MINGI HAIKUPE REKA KA NYARI MAHALI…………………………………….iwe vaccine,permanganate…….etc………………………………………………………….

ma padre waache THEO-CRACY -THEOLOGIA MOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBB

we want equity na equality as in chanjos from kuzaliwa ya kila mtu, no ubaguzi hadi chanjo za  uzeeni no ubaguzi KWA kila mseeeee

.niulizekooooooooooo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,kina njue hawa hawakupewa vaccines ata za polio izi besigye(BCG)hizi measles hizi may we ona ma card zao za u totoni.na catholic ndio ilikuwanga na ma mission hospializzzzzzzzzzz

images (3)

kim pia akaingia na talanta yake ambayo BABA ali mpa…iliyobaki ni kupewa ma bawa.

butt ass kimmy

ITS A BALANCING ACT

kwa walewote waliosema KIM K hana talent………………………………………………………………

talentless ni WEWE

amejibeba zaidi ya punda ya mizigo…………………………

zaidi ya anaconda aliyemeza mnyama mzima mzima………………………………..

zaidi ya bwawa ya ku-supply maji nairobi…………………………..

iyo n’do ina inspire gari kuitwa fully loaded

ana bwaga kanywaji toka side A na ina land sambamba kwa side B on the spot

ana aim tu kama king cobra…………………………………………………………………………….she wants to shock you out of your senses and veins…………………………………….

and in that vain BW KANYE MAGHARIBI LOVES THE DISPLAY KA -HUTAKI WEKA GLUE KWA MACHO KUWA BLIND

as in ugeuke daley blind……………………………

u neva know unaeza enda play ball europa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to be continuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…………………………………………………………………………………………….

HUMOURITA/DR MYLES MUNROE

BEAUTIFUL DAKTARI

BWANA AILAZE ROHO ZAO PAHALI PEMA.

R.I.P.

GONE INTO CROWNING GLORY.

SOME SAYINGS  FROM MILES WITHIN………………………………………………………WHAT A GUY miley wingi wa:

die empty

the cemetery is the wealthiest place on earth

your future is within you don’t wait for it.you got it

true leaders don’t use power to empower themselves

service is the greatest act of leadership

discovering oneself is more important than anything in the world

GOD introduces you to yourself and yourself to you

VISION IS THE KEY TO SUCCESSFUL LEADERSHIP

HEAVEN IS A CULTURE YOU DISCOVER

no one knows your ability except the manufacturer

mtu asi-ku-judge na tests zake.EMEN

WHO ARE YOU????????

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

WHY AM I HERE??????????(purpose)

WHAT CAN I DO????????(what’s my ability_???????????

WHERE AM I GOING?????????(destiny)??

what you are looking for is right where you are all the time

your future  is on the inside of you……you need someone to help you discover your future,you build on it and from there it’s all systems go

you environment determines your success

DIE BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING ELSE LEFT TO DO  IN LIFE YA KU- LIVE FOR DON’T DIE EMPTY,DIE COZ IT IS FINISHED

THE GREATEST DISCOVERY IN LIFE(sio land-rover)IS YOUR PURPOSE.IT GIVES YOU A REASON FOR BEING BORN

colonisation is designed to maintain followers and slaves  not to produce leaders

a DELIVERER( does) not exactly mean they’ll set you free

THE TREE DON’T BRING FRUIT TO YOU IT ATTRACTS THE FRUIT TO YOU

DOCUMENT YOUR PURPOSE

DECIDE YOUR DESTINY

destiny defines where you go and where you don’t go

purpose is discovering why you were born

true leaders never seek followers they attract followers to their leadership(their fruit)

in order to become great change the company you keep…………..be around people who STIMULATE YOUR IDEAS AND VISION

NEVER CANCEL PEOPLE

never speak negative of people

no one’s better than anyone.IT’S ONLY IN HOW YOU USE YOUR 24 HOURS

YOUR PROSPERITY IS NOT IN YOUR EDUCATION………..YOUR GIFT IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN WITH

WORK IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO.it is your gift

job/JOB is what you are paid to do

your gift never leaves you

HA-UWEZI KU-FIRE MTU KWA WORK YAKE ONLY KWA JOB YAKE

THE CREATOR CREATED EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL

YOUR FUTURE IS TRAPPED WITHIN YOU.Put yourself in the right environment.then feed your fruit to the world

no tree eats its own fruit………as in your gift is for us.for people to enjoy.

FISH SWIM IN SCHOOLS BUT THEY NEVER ATTEND SWIMMING SCHOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

TRUE VISION NEVER BENEFITS THE VISIONARY…………………..you were born to feed the others.your work will give you prosperity.from your fruit

WHATEVER YOU WERE BORN TO DO ALREADY EXISTS………but it is trapped inside(within you.)

BIBS

From the Bible:::::::::::

THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING, A TIME TO BE BORN AND A TIME TO DIE.

JESUS IS THE AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF OUR FAITH.

FOR TO LIVE IS CHRIST AND TO DIE IS GAIN.

FOR TO BE AWAY FROM THE BODY IS TO BE PRESENT WITH THE LORD.

kwetu pazuri…………………………………………………….

R.I.P. VISIONARY EMPTY MAISHA

HUMOURMOB/ ujinga tu……………

SI nakuambia mtoi wa nani ni mwerevu mpaka nickname yake ni supa brite!!!!!!!!!!!!sugua osha
kwani hiyo akili yote ni ya ku-sugua ma- sufuria????????????????
hapana yeye ni super bright……………
werevu kupindukia…………………………..

sim-anzi ichungwa toy-ota

UJINGA;NA SIM-CARD:
huku kariobango most watoi are so thick ni as if baba yao(ceo waititu)sio hataaaa!!
ni robin thick???????????
so unauliza katoto eti nikiwa na sim cards izi mbili………. na english twasema?????????????????
badala kid aseme dual jibu??????????????????????? ile ya ki- dual sim………..!!!!!!!!!!
SI kid kajibu ati ni SIMSIM!
simsim????????????
ni simsim??????????????
flabbergasted!

ujinga:ojinga  fool jingai
which bird needs a biro to write his tests,tastes
ans:the PEN-guin!badSHAABAN NDEGE
haaaaaa! aka  jean marie le PEN

usalama/USALAMA;/SAFETY:
NAKUAMBIENI UKIJIKUTA KAENDA EASTLEIGH,,,,,,,,,,,,, jihadhari basi  coz unaeza enda kana kwamba ki book shop ivi kisha you sey vi innocent unalook for a magazine??????????????

AU KWA MTU WA GAZETTE
haya basi utaona na macho coz si wewe wajua this mag?????nyenyeneyehii magazine ya kuso-mwa??????????????????????????????????

SO YOU’LL SEE PHARAOH NA ZAKE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

watoi

mags

steve mwakazi

saint obi
the eastleigh peeps wana know this mag- azinewalalo ustakeona magazine vitamag ya ki- vita????????

AKA ala za ki???????????

vita.BORNVITA .OR bourn vita????????????????????????????????????

hiyo ndo magazine pale eastleighfurahi-day

siku njema

humourmob/AMNESIA,WILLY D.P,VETTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow

SI NILISHIKWA NA ILE ugonjwa ya BARA ASIA ILE,
ILE Inaitwa ga AM IN ASIA
ile ile ya ku sahau sahau,kusahaulika/…………………
yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ni amnesia
AMNESIA
#.so ningesemako like wiki jana eti mug erer the big bro /top caT was faced with forceful eviction from the M.C/BIG BOSS MAN,,D.J.EVICTA,
BUT NO AFRICAN VOTED FOR HIM TO BE EVICTED?????????????au c.e.o./sio??????????
so mug erer sez hii ndio 2nd attempt on hiz life in the same circumference??????????/circumstances by the same actors(ni actors tu kama fake pro-fake kanyari)oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so help us omari god!
mi n’na advisori
kama MUG erer hana party fatty aunty ben sugar alika’d peeps to the assembly ya state parties.nyote mwalikwa
then i condemn mug-ererA.K.A.lwanda magere-r being bila party yet tis the point in time ya festive season
si alifukuzwa kwa sherehe shere shere!
don’ worry mr mugs hata BW.YESU alitimua wasee out of nyumba ya BABA YAKE alipo-find waki-do u kanyari-ukora na bizna humo ndani na ni mahala pa NENO NA HUDUMA NA UCHUNGAJI NA UNGWANA NA UTAKATIFU.ali wa timua vi-noma sana and single handedly
no trial has come upon you such as is not common to man???????????????????????????????????????????????????????
of coz u were not mugged bw.mug -erer
si nilisema sa ingine cod,,,,au CORD NI CORDIAGA??????????????????????????
ULIZA KALEMBE!blue ivy mcasuliza huyu chef something fishy hapo kwa cod………….no! hapo kwa cord………………..!SEE THE MEN IN BLACK?????????????????????

THE BLACKER THE BERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pigia me jolly black mib willSI UTAONA BLACK OUT??????????????????????

MASWALA NYETI NA MAJIBU CILLY:
#.WHAT are standing orders????????????????????
jibu:

hizo si ni order kwa ristorante/hoteli zinazofanywa na ole kaparo akiwa amesimama?????????????

due to lack of seating space!!!!!!!!!!!!

kwani spika yuu-kaa or yu-wekwa jukwaani /table au raised??????????

oddah piggy kaparo standing order

do you understand?!!!!!
#.ILE MAMBO NA VETTING:

madam sophia kombekombe safshe’z a trophy gal,alijishindia kombe/mug kwa am live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
#.ru-kia su-bow??????????????toonz hoppa rukia lionel messyiyo tiger ina ru-kia huyo jamaa na huyu  jamaa na the best  lady ni su bow

bow gonga ruki subowTAKE A BOWMACHUMA CUTSY GALin honour ya si-u-bow!/su-bow coz ataendelea na wana wake huko mbele ni na hiyo ni expansion na export ya expertise
#.SHEIKH DOOR???????????????AU SHEIKH DOR???????????????door jalango lango dornam support cos atashika DOR-IA kwa masaa.kabla awe DOR-MANT
#.OOOOOOOOOOOO HON joseph ma GUT/magut/ma-GUT??????????????AS IN he got gutssssss???????????????????????????????i support hiz nomination coz he got gutsgutukamagutgutteridgeni ku GUT -uka tu
#.oooooooooooooooo hon ali a bus/abbas………….early a bus?????????

busy buuuu ali

na support hiz nomination juu ata beba watoto asubuhi mapema na a bus.

WILLY RUTO:::::::::

willy willy sez oooooooooooooooooooooo atutaki makelele sitaki makelele

but si claude makelele ako kwao congo ama?????????????kwani amekuja nini kwa dee pea??????????D.P??????????????????

ATA YE ANATAFUTA PARTY??????????YA D.P???????????YA OBAKO???????????????

SO SWALA KWA WILLY DEP?????????????????????heri uamke one day upate bw.ma kelele @ mlangoni ????????????or uamke one day upate SILENCER iki ku stare in the face???????????

quiet??willy?????????